crap shit school really. argh.

some photos taken at singapore flyer. it was like 84375 times on it considering that I used to work at the VIP lounge. 

im sure most of you have seen the double rainbow recently. pretty sight wasn’t it. 

<3 take care people.

oh ya and winston tan yixin pls don’t emo emo then jump into the sea. come back safely !

happy thursday people ! smell the weekend !! smell it ! =D

<3333

happy 21st birthday once again !! <3

* photos courtesy of randolph and roger *

ok.. so much to update abt but so little time. cny photos are killing me already. argh. 

but all i can say is .. i love you xD

heh. <3

life’s a bitch. period.

fuck lasalle for screwing up my driving schedule ! now i have to rearrange everything again ! dulan !

fuck the stupid person who is in charge of my school time table. * grrrr *

artifacts on broken relationship. im so gonna ace this project ! let the emo me shine again.. ha.

danny boy , aly babe , shirley darling , robin sis and winston mama ! i miss you all =( and hor ! i realised we were supposed to meet for lunch or dinner on the 9th. and what happened ? tskkk…. 

long day tml. 9am to 4pm. then driving. tskk.. 

pek chek leh hor ! so many *&^%#$% things in my head. i dont know what im doing anymore. i need to sort out my thoughts once and for all.

photography tml. hot naked model pls ? make my day for once ?

pssst .. seems like chatting with you is the only thing that can keep my mind off everything else. heh. 

k. off to bed. i need a new closet. running out of space. tskkk…* frowns *

愛我的人對我癡心不悔 我卻為我愛的人甘心一生傷悲 
在乎的人始終不對 誰對誰不必虛偽 
愛我的人為我付出一切 我卻為我愛的人流疏g亂心碎 
愛與被愛同樣受罪 為什麼不懂拒絕癡情的包圍

爱一个人真的好难.

=(

anyways some photos to go along…

the story behind this : 
the pink stuffed toy is a clanger, called tiny who is an alien from a hollow planet far far away. It was given to me by an ex-boyfriend who although not exactly tiny in any department, was often self absorbed, rather distant and very empty as a person.

What’s left of the fake handcuff is the result of a particularly passionate night/morning in bed. We often had great sex during our short-lived relationship. I think he might have kept the other half or threw it away. I remember one morning, he had me handcuffed to the bed, and the phone rang. It was the man who , several months later, was to become my next boyfriend…

We had been married for 13 years and were living in a foreign country together. The love in our relationship had taken a backseat to friendship and i’d come to realise I was miserable. I made up my mind to leave a year before but needed time to gain enough strength. So I waited, building myself up. Telling her i was leaving was the hardest thing I’d ever done at that time, anyway. 

She went back to her own country to stay with her family, trying to regain her strength. She took our little dog, whom I thought she’d need more then me. I went home to my own country and discovered I was suffering quite badly from depression.

We maintained a level of contact, though she was having great difficulty coming to terms with our new reality. She sent me a package with a few small things, each of which broke my heart a little more because each had a sort of significance and were mostly about her wanting to take care of me, even though she was the one suffering.

This little dog collar light, she said she’d bought one for our little dog, because she’d kept wondering off in the dark in winter nights and getting lost. This way, they could always find her. I’d said many times during the spilt, that I felt lost and very alone. This little red light has been with me everywhere, in my toilet bag for 2 years now, killing me every time i see it. My former partner took her own life a little over a year after we split up. Alone, in a hotel room, in a strange town.

I am still alive, but ….

All these past things, moments together, years even, all these mutual friends, experiences all of it, at the end of this story, became unimportant and meaningless. I have completely lost the memory of those things, as if nothing had ever happened. Everything that has happened seems to be erased; deep inside my mind there is a consciousness that something happened, there are facts , but that’s all; facts, not emotions.

The love between us is long gone; but from time to time my feelings at war. Pros and cons between feelings of belonging, possessing, need, assurance of self esteem, compassion, pain. Him on one side, me on the other, and once, a long time ago it was the two of us against the world- the two of us forever… together.

Just this moment is important, just now… From the perspective of that experience, now is very clear to me that the past remains in the past and that the significance we used to assign to certain people, places and things before can be completely lost. I still have some of those things, our things, but now they are just that : things, items of no importance. They dont trigger any emotions inside.

and lastly …

They came together. Teddy stayed but he left with another.

very interesting. maybe i shall have my own museum of broken relationship soon. ha

to be continued …

happy birthday once again. 18 already hor. can go clubbing etc. but rmb ah … u can legally go jail also… so BEHAVE AH !! hahahaa

ps: sry i couldnt stay on longer =(

<3